10 Things Not to Ask Your Sober Friend at a Party
1. So you’re an alcoholic?
While there is absolutely no shame in suffering from the disease of alcohol and addiction, not every person who chooses to stop drinking had a problem with substances. There are many reasons people choose not drink including: saving money (you have NO idea how much money you were spending on alcohol until you stop), health (there are many health risks associated with heavy drinking that are easily minimized), and fun (it’s actually way more fun to party sober).
2. Do you have a drinking problem?
Seriously no one wants to talk about this at the party. First of all, read number 1. And second of all, this is not a fun thing to talk about at the party. We’re here to have fun, not talk about ~personal issues~. Let’s move on.
3. Why can’t you just have one drink?
Yawn. I’m choosing not to drink, at all. If I was moderating my drinking, I would have said so. No alcohol means zero alcohol.
4. C’mon, this one barely has any alcohol.
Seriously. You’d be surprised how often people try to get me to drink. Less alcohol, soft alcohol, alcoholic mixers: they all have alcohol. And I’ve already told you I’m not doing any of it. So just stop.
5. Do you think I have a drinking problem?
Omg. I’m not here to diagnose your drinking, amp up your paranoia, or talk you through your own drinking habits. I’m here to party, just like you. I’m not your Dr. Phil just because I’m sober. I have no idea what your drinking is like, and ultimately the only one who can decide if you have a problem is you.
6. Do you have any fun?
Welp, not talking to you I’m not. Seriously, anyone can have fun or not have fun at a party, regardless of whether they’re doing keg stands. One way to not have fun? Talking to you right now. Bye.
7. Will you drive me home?
Just because I’ve decided to not drink doesn’t mean I am automatically your DD. Unless we’ve talked about it beforehand, I don’t have to drive your drunk ass home later. Being DD is different from being sober– when you’re a DD you make a commitment to staying until your friends are ready to go, and then driving each of them to their destinations. I’m just sober rn. I don’t need to do work for you honey.
8. Will you take care of me/my friend?
Ugh Maybe. Fine. But just because I’m sober doesn’t mean I want to spend half the night feeding you pretzels and water and holding your hair back. Sure, I see you taking one too many rum shots and falling over, and yes, I’m a good person who sometimes helps the less fortunate i guess. But seriously? I’m also here to party. Where are your friends?
9. Is it okay if I drink this?
I’m at a party. I know there will be people drinking around me. If I had a problem with people getting drunk AF around me, I would’ve stayed my sober ass home. If I’m at the party, you can trust I’m ok with you drinking around me. Go ahead with your party self.
10. Why don’t you drink?
Forever though. Forever you ask me this, and increasingly so as you get drunker and forget we already went through this. Why do you drink? Leave me alone. I’m trying to party. You can go cry about your ex, your drinking, or your messy life by your own self. I’ll be on the dance floor.
If you are struggling with alcohol, here is a place where you can find helpful resources: www.alcohol.org/resources/