Untangling the AOC Haircut Scandal
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez‘s right-wing stalkers are following her to the hair salon. Combing (Get it?) through receipts in an effort to publicly shame her for the cost of a cut and color, a complete non-shocker to any woman in America.
Creepy creep, Alex Swoyer, penned a doozy on October 9 for The Washington Times titled “EXCLUSIVE: Self-declared socialist AOC splurges on high-dollar hairdo.” In the hard-hitting report Swoyer writes, “The New York Democrat ventured into Last Tangle Salon on 19th Street Northwest last month and shelled out $80 for a haircut and $180 for lowlights, according to sources familiar with the salon. A 20% tip would have added $52 to the bill.”
Gasp. Are you clutching your pearls yet?
Luckily, Swoyer (who clearly spends zero dollar on that natural blonde) consulted a man, one Richard Manning to be exact, to determine how much AOC can spend on her hair if she’s going to fight for things like a living wage for all and healthcare as a right and stuff.
Am I the only one who hears Aguilera falsetto right now?
Swoyer got some piping hot tea from the president of Americans for Limited Government who determined that, “AOC is the Eva Peron of American politics. She preaches socialism while living the life of the privileged.” Privileged meaning paying the average cost in the US for a visit to the salon. Instead, Swoyer suggested the twenty-nine year old politician, who daily faces the sexist scrutiny of the public eye, should mirror the beauty routine of former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, a loyal customer of Senate Hair Care Services in the basement of the Russell Senate Office Building where an average cut costs $20.
AOC reportedly replied:
OK, so that would have been my response. Alexandria clapped back with the below. We approve this message, as well.