Raquel Bessudo’s Perpetua Is Coming To Market And We Know the Side Effects
Joan Rivers wannabe, Raquel Bessudo is breaking into the beauty biz with a new facial cream line named “Perpetua.” We can’t be more excited for the soda queen to start peddling a new product line contradictory to her wealth portfolio. Doris alludes to her mom ‘finally giving her the secret to her eternal youth,’ but if my mom wouldn’t give me the name of her plastic surgeon, I would be seriously pissed.
While we are hoping Perpetua will give us a freshly botoxed glow, we have yet to find her products online. Bad move, ‘daughtager’ Doris. But we are pretty confident the bottle will read something like:
Prior to application you must drink Jarritos soda, look in the mirror and feel shame for drinking said soda, wash your face, dry face with the dirty money from your wallet, look back in the mirror and repeat “I’m not hungry,” then apply an exuberant amount of face cream.
Side effects include:
Unwarranted fat shaming, a hankering for mango, making children cry, tactless banter, lack of emotion, abrasive tendencies, and most of all the need for extravagaannnceee!
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